Deep in thoughts, in a big room full of people, I checked around with my eyes and then I turned around and I suddenly looked into those eyes..
And at this moment everything around me began to dissapear, the world as an unimportant little detail – because only we – this beautiful, angelic creature here in front of me – and I, that other soul.. and I.. -there existed only we
And the whole earth seemed to be so touched by this meeting of two lost souls, that it stopped moving a moment just for turn to capture this special moment forever.
I suddenly had a pressure in my heart, as I had necer felt before, but it did not hurt, it felt as it would explode at once all the walls around my heart I had built up over many years and it seems to give something free, that I did not even know that this was in me!
I was in a very weird mood and everything began to turn. Everything else did not mater, the people around me were all frozen and nothing, absolutly nothing happened and I thought I was in a movie! But at less how could I think at this moment, because I just felt so much happiness in me that it almost tore my body and my mind.
And here I stand and I was comepletely torn from this life, in which time does not longer matter. Here in front of this man, who meant so incredibly much to me and was so familiar, that I would like to take him in my arms ans said:
"I finally found you again."
And my heart was so happy about this, that it wanted to dance and jump for joy and it felt as if it would jump out of my chest because it was full of euphoria, take me away with him and fly away with me. I finally forgot everything around me..
I know, I even forgot to breathe, but breathing was no longer important. It did not matter, nothing physical was of importance.
I had everything in this moment, I did not need air.. I had love.. so much love and so much more
It was invredible, and the torpor in which I was, I could not possibly solve.
Why I can dive into the deepth of those eyes, without having fear of drowning in it? Why a human can be so familiar to me, I had never seen before? When it took so long to trust someone who really meant it well by me. But this man does not even need to say a word and immediately I would entrusted to him my whole life, I would have put my heart in his hands and said:
- Keep it for me in the times where it hurts, couse in your hands it will be healed. -
If I could, I would have to go back to this moment and have touched with my hands this beautiful face, scanned it like a blind man to see if it REALLY was. And although it seemed to me like an eternity, we both spent so much time, just to stand there and looked us in the eyes, but it was only a few seconsd, suddenly someone pulled me back into the cold reality.
Because someone spoke to me and touched my shoulder. I immediately turned around and had to recover from this shock only once. When I realized what is happend to me, I had tears in my eyes, I quickly wiped them away. There would be nothing I would rather have done than I have to turn around and look into those eyes once again, but I did not do it,
maybe because I was afraid to fall next in such a swoon, but maybe because I was afraid, that it was all imagination and even there was no one so special,
but maybe because I just was not ready that we take another look and everything around me dissapears again..
more from this story you can read in my book, you can find it here
I would never regret a only one still so small unforgettable moment. I would not never see into these eyes, in whose depth I can dive to drown without having to fight thereby with the fear, in it. In these eyes, in which I can lose myself as in a labyrinth, from which it does not seem to give a way out and whose walls from hardest steel are, which does not permit it that I can move freely - and if I would touch these steel walls - they would be so softly and gently like the view, with which you take my whole body trapped with only one tieme and its chains I until can not solve possibly today..
How you can take my whole strengh with this view and give me at the same time so much strength that it feels like the earth would move by my body and as became in only one moment, where you only regard me - all the pain of the past lives dissolves and as if he would have never existed - I feel only a infinitely deep love, which lends wings to my heart and lets my soul fly.
I would never regret the whole suffering and the pain in me, make him never retrogressive - led me finally into your protecting arms and made me possible to feel the luck and the joy in me - so strong that no one ever could remove it. I would never regret all the sadness who put, my face into shade and the darknessso into my eyes for a long time, which saw only black and have forgotten, like colors at all feels like- and by this cold weather, I was allowed to experience the unbelievable warmth comes by you and your love into my life - how a Tornado that the whole world seized - so surprisingly and fast I lost the instant of the darkness and suddenly i see the light that tried, to take the shade from my eyes and painted them with lightness, and that my entire soul with it that the whole darkness power over me get lost and whole sadness and all the pressure swept away, as if that would have never been everything of importance.
I love it, how you laugh with your eyes and regard me so deeply that I know again, how much you love me. But you dont need and you will never need no words, because they don't exist , these places, at which your eyes could not tell me the truth.
I never saw as beautiful as you are, your nature releases in me something undreamt-of, from which I did not know times that these feelings in me exist. And I could smile the whole time, if I look at you, because it is like a charm, which takes you on my face.
I do not know humans, who have to give so much love and which souls radiates so much. I believe, you are an angel, masked in a human body and came, in order to bring a miracle into my life.
I lie here with my head on your soft chest and feel the warmth of your skin and it feels like the never passing eternity here in your nearness. And I hear your reassuring heart impact so loud that I notice nothing else more. Only your striking heart, which is beating only for me in this moment and which strikes your body alive.
There an infinitely deep overcomes me sadness, because i realize that your striking heart will stop sometime striking and that his beat is also so importantfor my life and that our time is passing here on ground connection and I do not want to believe that also the time will come, at which I my not touch face any longer - to scan it if a blind, so that I will never forget also the beauty of your nature. And I realize, who much means this heart here in your chest to me, because it receives you alive and I would not like imagine in a life without you.
Now a tear flows completely slowly over my face and it paints my cheek, it seems to merge nearly with your skin . The tear is my gift to your striking heart, which still strikes under me so loud, like never before. This tear is the absolute large luck that I feel straight in me. It is the unconditional love, which feels my heart in this moment, the many feelings - also your feelings, which so strong I feel in me, as if they would be my own.
I ask your heart quietly, please never stop beating because I know that mine would stop with your heart and still swith your 's there would go so much more from myself. I know death does not exist.
But I am afraid of a life in constantly desire, because I cannot see into these eyes and I am only afraid of a life..
Without your beating heart..
We sit on our chairs and have to play a game. This game is played two by two. To the game there is a book. A book with many questions in it.
I have to play this game with you, So I rise and go to you. With my view on the ground I set beside you and put my hand on the table beside us, with the other hand holding the book. I know that you smile at me, but I see not really, because I am afraid to look into your eyes.
And so I take the book and read out the first question quietly:
„Which is your faith? “
„I am a christ And yours? “
„I do not believe in religions.
Religions instruct us, I believe that everyones heart showes each human his own way show
I do not believe in it that God is a person, no male or female person, no old man with white long beard, which sits up there and on us down-seen. I believe, God is inside of us. I believe that God is the love, which we carry inside. I believe that God is everything, because love is everything "
You stare on me avoided. I feel your view in my face, like the warm sun in my neck. Still I don't look at you. My view is valid for the book:
„Which is death? “
„Now,… death is something bad, something sad. Loss. Pain. Death is the end. What is death from your view? “
„Death. Death is the beginning. There is no death. Only cross into another world. My words are like stars - they do not go down.
I think of completely special humans, I felt very bad, because I never cried as only one, when he died. But then became me clear that I, which had never cried did not love it at most and deepest of all, because I did not want to be strong because I mean feelings express could not. No. Because I knew that he was here and did not want that I cried. Because I could be pleased for it and its luck in me felt, as if would be it still here. And that was it also and it also always will be and now in this moment, is it also. “
My hands, which hold the book, tremble and I see, as also yours do it to them. So I read the last question, without regarding you thereby, and I speech the question so quietly out that I think only, you does not hear it:
„Which. love. you… “
After a short silence you answer me. But you do not regard me and I hear, how your voice fails nearly:
„I love someone. But this someone knows nothing of this love, because I am afraid, to tell her..
which you love. “
„I love the forest and I love each particular of its trees. I love its smell and his charm.
I love it, if the sun affects the horizon and touch the sky into a wonderful red that it looks, as if the sky would burn, and I love the clouds, as her thereby so many multicolored colors to assume and I love it me to ask, how these colors probably develop.
I love the rain and the noise, if he drum on the deserted road. I love it to dance in the rain with the children and to take rain like a gift.
I love the animals and their unbelievable confidence and their love to humans, although humans cause so much suffering to the animals.
I love the children, as they laugh and plays and does not think over the life and when they look at you with their large eyes and touch my heart so much with one view
I love the air after the rain, how she bewitches all my senses and releases something in me that makes me simply happy.
I love the winter, how he puts everything in ice and everything is so beautifully white
I love the autumn and his whole color-glad trees and I love the sound, which develops, if I run by many multicolored leaves.
I love spring, as everything awakening to new life and the birds sing again their first songs for us.
I love the summer, where one feels so easy and can walk everywhere barefoot
I love to put a seed in earth and wait, until a new life develops.
I love the music, as she can lift my tendency and speak me so deeply from the heart
I love it, how I can feel the feelings of the others, as if would be my own.
And I still love so much more… “
I feel the smile on your lips and recognize an easy gloss in your eyes, although I do not see in yet. A sunbeam comes by the large window and seems direct into our center.
I have to smile now, and now I take my view slow into your face. Into these eyes, before which I am afraid so long. I feel, how my eyes begin to burn and how I still mean my tears hardly hold back , because the depth of your eyes touche me in such a way and is able in myself inside it so unbelievably much to release and nevertheless.
but also can say my last words to bring our game to a close::
„And I love it… like someone think. I would not know… how much he loves me... “